i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
