When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
