this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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