I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
