They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
