I just saw a hot homeless man
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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