First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
