Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
