walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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