i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
