i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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