Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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