she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I would fuck him just for his dog
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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