i jhust puked up my retainher.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
