Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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