I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
