then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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