Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
