Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
