I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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