Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
