pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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