Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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