if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
