2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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