cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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