I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
