Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
