So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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