you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
