Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
