If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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