Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
