I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
