We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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