I heard we made out
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
