Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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