I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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