Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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