I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
