I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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