so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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