Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
