I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
