i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
