i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
