Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
