You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
