I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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