he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
someone owes me an orgasm
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
